...and the inextricable link between them "camping staycation" by hownowdesign is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 I tried. I really tried. That’s all I can say. I really, really tried to have an enjoyable staycation and not do any work. It was all out of purely goodwill and good intentions, which is another way of saying I mean […] ...
Category: Updates
It’s Not You, It’s MeIt’s Not You, It’s Me
…but it’s really You "Ruth Roman in Bitter Victory (1957) #1" by Classic_Movie_Gals is licensed under CC BY 2.0 From There to Here Warning! Gratuitously and unusually UN-funny blog ahead! Read at your own laughter’s peril! Here goes… Reconciliation is a long road. It starts with an offense and ends with an apology, or, at the very least, […] ...
I Hate BurpeesI Hate Burpees
To be clear, I hate burpees "Exercise LP" by kevin dooley is licensed under CC BY 2.0 Some things simply should not be I'd like to preface this blog by stating emphatically, in no uncertain terms, that exercise (see definition: cruel and unusual punishment ) is of the devil (see definition: exercise). I mean, let’s be honest. There […] ...
I put Santa on the Naughty ListI put Santa on the Naughty List
Because NO: he did NOT come to town. A Most Necessary Update Well, here we are. It’s the holiday season once again, and that brings me to some unfortunate conclusions that I am compelled to address. It is time to peel the onion of illusion of that great gift-giver himself, Mr. Santa F. Claus […] ...
Rock The Vote!Rock The Vote!
Why this Voice Talent voted the way he did Gotta love Politics First of all, allow me to congratulate you on making it through last week, and not going all-out-psycho and killing everyone with a hammer. Who did I vote for? It was an easy choice, really, when you think about it. There were […] ...
The Intrepid Tale of a Voiceover Artist iPhone-Addict GuyThe Intrepid Tale of a Voiceover Artist iPhone-Addict Guy
Don’t judge me. "iPhone X" by TheBetterDay is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 Shut up and take my Money Image by Santiago Vecino So it’s iPhone season again. And despite the fact that they’re made in China – which I’m told have recently spawned some kind of supervirus or something…? I’m hearing a rumor here and there […] ...
RIP Simon, our, ahem, “beloved” Voiceover KittyRIP Simon, our, ahem, “beloved” Voiceover Kitty
And welcome to your beautiful tenth life... I don’t like cats… I don’t. I really don’t. You really have to work hard for their affection, and they don’t ever seem to understand that I’m kind of a big deal. In fact the very best depictions of how cats perceive humans are depictions where cats […] ...
You deserve a break today.You deserve a break today.
Take a break? Perish the thought! "Breather." by digitalpimp. is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0 The Constant Type A Drive "3D Bullseye" by ccPixs.com is licensed under CC BY 2.0 I don’t read a lot, as I prefer all things digital, and ultimately, it’s far too many consonants and vowels for me, so I get tired. I do however read […] ...
I Hate Comcast. I Mean XFinity. I mean Comcast.I Hate Comcast. I Mean XFinity. I mean Comcast.
...so I'm doing something about it. Well, "Hate" doesn’t quite sum it up I hate Comcast. As in want-to-do-things-to-them hatred. As in I-don’t-care-if-you-changed-your-name-you’re-still-lousy-Comcast-in-disguise-and-no-rebranding-can-ever-save-you-as-I-press-this-scalding-firebrand-into-your-skin-hold-still-darn-you hate them. “But wait!” you say. Aren’t they Xfinity now? No. They just rebranded, which doesn’t really mean anything. They’re still the same old Comcast, marinated in cruelty, basted in barbarism, […] ...
A Moment of Silence for Bibbidi-Bobbidi-BooA Moment of Silence for Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo
GONE IS THE FANTASY "Success" by StickerGiant is licensed under CC BY 2.0 Nope...No Magic Wands Here "Day 255: Magic Wand" by amanky is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 You got into voiceovers because you wanted to do something fun. You thought it would be easy. You thought if you just put yourself behind a mic, and made magical sounds, […] ...
Hey, a Voice Talent’s gotta eat…Hey, a Voice Talent’s gotta eat…
What’s your Flavor? First order of business: survival. "EAT." by Andrew* is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 The question was recently posed on Facebook: “You wake up and you’re the last person on earth. What’s the first thing you do? Crying isn’t an option.” Fortunately for me, I'm part Lumberjack with a Sam Elliott voice and a […] ...
Why I chose Voiceovers instead of Eternal TormentWhy I chose Voiceovers instead of Eternal Torment
A decision that required only .02693 Milliseconds "work" by Sean MacEntee is licensed under CC BY 2.0 What’s your Line? Mom always said I could be anything I wanted to be. People choose all kinds of lines of work. Some people choose voiceovers. Some choose to ascend tall electrical poles for the thrill of the zap. Others construct buildings. […] ...
Learn how to write – and THEN come back and hire meLearn how to write – and THEN come back and hire me
I just love me some crazy scripts and nonsensical grammar Uh…holiday whobee-whatee? "Confused" by CollegeDegrees360 is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 Happy Labor Day! Since we're celebrating a national day off of work, let's talk about how much work it can sometimes be to do...uh...work! You know those scripts. The ones that don’t make any sense. Riddled […] ...
I’ll give you free Voiceover work!I’ll give you free Voiceover work!
With a side of Shame and a medium Guiltshake The Downside of the Upside Photo by Tanja Bruckner, 2017. Free Work. I like to do it as much as I like having my eye poked out with a searing hot firebrand. It's not that I'm uncharitable or a hardened cynic, don't care or don't […] ...
Voiceovers and Moving Don’t MixVoiceovers and Moving Don’t Mix
Because…Duh. It was not a "moving" experience We decided to move. And heck, we figured, "there's no better time to move than during a global pandemic." And as a voiceover artist, I like to keep it uber-interesting. So! With that, we began our search. We found the one we wanted on May 6th: our […] ...
Please Don’t Send Me To Collections!Please Don’t Send Me To Collections!
I’ve still got a score to settle Used by permission from weinstock via Pixabay That Magical Place of No Return A long time ago, there existed a video production client. His name, for the purposes of this story, was VideoProductionClientRalph. Ralph (for short) owed a certain voiceover artist money. And her name, was VoiceoverArtistYolanda. […] ...
The Scintillating Saga of Victor & Vicky Voiceover and Carl the Curiously Coverless Covid-GuyThe Scintillating Saga of Victor & Vicky Voiceover and Carl the Curiously Coverless Covid-Guy
Available wherever quality fiction is sold It’s our Grand Re-opening! What could go wrong!? Welcome to America, where we have everything you could ever want or need, and then a lot of things that you just don’t want, like ever. Not even a little bit. Things like: Covid-19 Michael Bolton music Waiters asking you […] ...
I’m leaving on a Voiceover JetplaneI’m leaving on a Voiceover Jetplane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again Used by permission from dayamay via Pixabay Yep…still moving If you’ve been following my blog - and I have no idea why you wouldn't do such a thing - then you’ll know we’re moving. By that I don't mean that people are emotionally impacted by listening to […] ...
How to Survive a Pandemic if you’re a Voice TalentHow to Survive a Pandemic if you’re a Voice Talent
(And not eat your relatives) Caution: I am not a scholar. Or a scientist. Or a theologian. Or a doctor. Or a psychologist. Or psychiatrist. Or an advisor of any kind. In fact, I may not have any real solid answers for you, but at least we'll laugh together along our path to oblivion. […] ...
That does it. I’m running for President of the United States of AmericaThat does it. I’m running for President of the United States of America
I’m Joshua Alexander, and I approve this message. The time has come. It’s almost that time of year. I think you know what I’m talking about, and I don’t mean the annual Arctic Tundra Cookoff Sponsored By Jimbob’s Spicy GreaseBurgers. The other thing. That glorious time where we put off all forms of decorum and […] ...
You Don’t Tell Me What To Do!You Don’t Tell Me What To Do!
I'm telling! (Get it?) Used by permission from mohamed_hassan via Pixabay I make the Rules Remember your childhood? Life was fresh and new. The smell of green grass was in the air. Your bicycle had those playing cards strapped to the seatstays or fork to make it sound like a motor when it hit […] ...
How to become a Voiceover GajillionaireHow to become a Voiceover Gajillionaire
A Get-Rich-Quick Guide Used by permission from PublicDomainPictures via Pixabay Follow my 5 easy steps It’s a different world now. If you consider all the craziness that has happened since 2020 began, we’re on pace to start protesting about pandemics of impeached murder hornets soon. I think it’s time to inject a little disinfectant. […] ...
How to date a Voiceover ArtistHow to date a Voiceover Artist
Written by a dated Voiceover Artist An entry from a non-mind-wiped married male These are strange times. Dare I say “uncertain times”? No, I dare not say that, because that has truly been said enough…certainly so much so that I’m certain that I'm able to certainly say, “these are certainly uncertain times.” I get […] ...
“Honey I have an idea – let’s move in the middle of a global pandemic!”“Honey I have an idea – let’s move in the middle of a global pandemic!”
And other dumb things I've said. To move or not to move: that is the question. So my wife and I are in the process of looking for homes. Or, to be more precise, we were in the process, before we both started not finding what we each wanted, not liking the other’s choices, foaming […] ...
A Blogger’s Blog about BloggingA Blogger’s Blog about Blogging
Why we do what we do…and when we do it. And also where. And how. Used by permission from KevinKing via Pixabay Blogging…why? Why do I blog? I suppose because there was a time where it dawned on me that I should stop building suspension bridges in my backyard because I was annoying the […] ...
A Leap Forward to Look BackA Leap Forward to Look Back
Confused yet? Used by permission from mohamed_hassan via Pixabay Much to give thanks for Today is my birthday! I’m 23…uh…again! And as my all-time favorite book and movie trilogy is The Lord of the Rings, it’s appropriate to quote The Gaffer at the end of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, when he says […] ...
When life gives you Murder Hornets, you make Murder Hornet LemonadeWhen life gives you Murder Hornets, you make Murder Hornet Lemonade
...or…some other title that’s fitting "murder hornet 2, face_2020-10-01-18.55.04 ZS PMax UDR" by Sam Droege is marked with Public Domain Mark 1.0. Because a Global Coronavirus Pandemic just wasn’t enough We're in the thick of it now. A teacher missed her classroom so much that she knitted all of her students, which is another way of saying, […] ...
There can be miracles…when you believeThere can be miracles…when you believe
And not just in animated movies. Used by permission from GDJ via Pixabay Houston and Carey had it right In 1998’s The Prince of Egypt, a wonderful song was delivered by two pop divas. No, not Ethel Merman and Jessica Rabbit. The other two divas: Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. I’m talking about the […] ...
M-m-m-my CoronaM-m-m-my Corona
Used by permission from geralt via Pixabay A surprise Coronavirus upgrade The proof is in the crazy pudding My oh my how COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on our world. It’s been a frustrating time, a crazy time, a stressful time, and a sad time. In all sincerity, it’s been of Biblical proportions. Whoever […] ...
Every Day is an Easter Egg HuntEvery Day is an Easter Egg Hunt
It’s not just a myth anymore! Kids and Hunts My preschooler is four. This is commonly known as the age where all parents everywhere become utterly committed, in all parental love, to renouncing all ownership and claim to preschoolers. But we’re sticking it out because we love the little guy, and also because we […] ...
Father forgive me, for I have spammedFather forgive me, for I have spammed
Guilty as charged I’m Joshua Alexander. And I’m a spammer. (“Hi, Josh…”) Well, I covered telemarketing, so it’s only fitting that now we talk about everyone’s favorite source of daily disgruntlement: the email spammer! But first, let’s zoom out and really examine Spam. What is Spam anyway? When we crack open a can of […] ...
Coronavirus: I got itCoronavirus: I got it
Used by permission from padrinan via Pixabay I finally got it Now that was some darn good click-bait I finally got Covid-19. As in: I finally understood it. I’ve been angry. I’ve been depressed. I’ve been frantic and worried. I’ve been nervous and sleepless. I want to squeeze things until they pop. Honey, take […] ...
Voiceovers rule and Weddings suckVoiceovers rule and Weddings suck
Wedding and Voicing and Writing Oh My! Rather than send out two blog posts back to back, here's a sidebar announcement: Did you get my book yet? "VOICEOVERS: A Super Business ∙ A Super Life", my 310-page independently published book, is now available for order! Now back to our regularly scheduled program already in progress. […] ...
What To Do When You’re MaleWhat To Do When You’re Male
Written by a Male for Males Used by permission from Clker-Free-Vector-Images via Pixabay It’s hard being a Dude When you think about it, it’s difficult being a human. I would much rather be a tiny tardigrade (I’ve talked about them before) because apparently they’re indestructible, even if you send them to the moon and […] ...
May I speak with the person in charge of your Voiceovers?May I speak with the person in charge of your Voiceovers?
Voiceovers & Telemarketers Used by permission from mohamed_hassan via Pixabay The Telemarketing Golden Years How did I get started in voiceovers? Sit back, pull up a mug of something light and refreshing, and let me regale you with a tale of old. Because I’m now old. And tales are cool. The year was 1993. […] ...
My Interview with Voiceover Coach & Demo Producer Scott Burns!My Interview with Voiceover Coach & Demo Producer Scott Burns!
It's here! The still frame says it all - he and I smile a lot together. Check out my recent interviews with my beloved coach, the illustrious Scott W. Burns!! We had a ball as usual. Check 'em out and give Scott a call or email for coaching or demo production. If you're looking for […] ...
The Voiceover Guy and the Attack of the Killer PreschoolersThe Voiceover Guy and the Attack of the Killer Preschoolers
A True Story Used by permission from Clker-Free-Vector-Images via Pixabay Now I know what Arnold felt like What you are about to read is the firsthand account of where I literally almost died. I am not making this up. Where I, a grownup, found myself overrun by a savage classroom of bloodthirsty and carnivorous […] ...
There’s a Fly in my Voiceover BoothThere’s a Fly in my Voiceover Booth
It all started with Sci-Fi The year was 1986. I was all of 13. The cool fad was something strange and exciting called “The Walkman.” And the cool movie was The Fly with Jeff Goldblum. Now, keep in mind that this movie is a reboot of the original. I’m generally not a big fan […] ...
My Interview With Mr. Nethervoice, Paul Strikwerda!My Interview With Mr. Nethervoice, Paul Strikwerda!
The Man, The Myth, The Legend I had the EXTREME pleasure of interviewing Paul Strikwerda, aka "Nethervoice" today. Paul is a very humble man with a powerful story, and years upon years of VO insight. Paul has survived a stroke AND a career in radio and TV. He's got lots of stories to tell, and […] ...
Welcome to Voiceover Manners 101Welcome to Voiceover Manners 101
Your Guide for Human Etiquette in the 21st Century It’s pronounced “Peath” My preschooler. Such a dynamo. Brennan is still learning English, so you can’t fault him. He is not yet 4, so he is still essentially enrolled in English-as-a-second-language, since his primary language is dribble-drool-goo-goo-gah-gah-squeal-wah. My favorite thing he says, when asked if […] ...
Thank goodness I do Voiceovers only for ExposureThank goodness I do Voiceovers only for Exposure
It’s all about publicity and goodwill, right? Used by permission from geralt via Pixabay Voiceovers and Charity There once was a voice talent named Jack who loved to promote his knack To clients that we’d love to whack due to expectations that are whack. This poem has been brought to you as a courtesy […] ...
There Can Be Only One…Voiceover ArtistThere Can Be Only One…Voiceover Artist
If your head comes away from your audition…it’s over Hackings and beheadings: O What Fun! Once upon a time there comes along a movie that blows you away with its incredible ideologies. I’m talking about Terminator. The Matrix. Inception. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Movies with concepts that are beyond the scope of mortal thinking. […] ...
Diary of a Wimpy Voiceover ArtistDiary of a Wimpy Voiceover Artist
Marketing is Hard! Used by permission from geralt via Pixabay Monday, January 6th, 2020 Today I woke up and drank eight quarts of fruit-punch Advocare Spark energy drink so that I could be jazzed and at the top of my game when I start to cold-call clients for voiceovers. Let’s do this. I’m as […] ...
Voiceover Soccer Mom status: ACHIEVED.Voiceover Soccer Mom status: ACHIEVED.
The True Story of One Man, a Van…and a life forever changed. A Hallmark Original. Never Say Never I once said “Never.” That is never a good thing to say. “I’ll never own a van, and you’ll never make me!” (…and other things once quoted by Joshua Alexander….on sale now wherever quality books are […] ...
Why I threw away $460,000Why I threw away $460,000
To all my 454 clients…peace out! "Throwing Money Away" by Images_of_Money is licensed under CC BY 2.0. Humble Superhero Beginnings Jason didn’t have a wedding videographer. I had a simple 8mm analog tape video camera and an “S” on my chest. That’s how it began. I had met Jason in 2001 at my old church, and we […] ...
How to do Santa VoiceoversHow to do Santa Voiceovers
…and other Cockamamie Christmas stuff Used by permission from Jo-B via Pixabay The Bah, humbuggers (with ketchup, mustard and pickle) Ah the holidays. My last blog was about the holidays, but I’m still in a festive, mirthy mirth-filled mood…so let’s keep this gravy train going, shall we? I love the holidays. I truly do, […] ...
Pardon me while I go streaking with ElvesPardon me while I go streaking with Elves
So much to do, so little time "Camping_Dorset72" by jjay69 is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0. Holiday Cheer So the holidays are upon us, and once again, mirth is creeping at our doorstep. Reds and greens are starting to pop up in stores, and I’m pretty sure I heard an office lobby daring to brazenly play a […] ...
A Day in the Life of a Voiceover DadaA Day in the Life of a Voiceover Dada
Breathe, Josh. Just Breathe. 4am: Awake, reluctantly, due to Baby noise. Pray for precious silence as heart beats wildly with tension-filled anxiety. 4:01am: Infant thankfully goes back to sleep. Resolve to pretend that you too are sleeping the next time this happens, so that wife will get him. 4:26am: Infant cries out again. Manufacture the […] ...
Greetings from MAILER-DAEMON!Greetings from MAILER-DAEMON!
Unmasking the Bane of our Email Emailing, Emailing, Emailing Don’t you just love marketing. It’s wonderful! Never in any other business function are you afforded such a rich bounty of opportunities to just simply make people go ballistic. It’s wonderful. You send an email stating nicely who you are and what you do, and […] ...
Succinctly Speaking about Smoldering WicksSuccinctly Speaking about Smoldering Wicks
…So enjoy while ye mayeth Used by permission from Myriams-Fotos via Pixabay Millenia Later It’s been said, “What’s worse than a blog? A blooooooogggggg…” OK, OK, I myself just said that; no one else did. But someday, millennia from now, the Great Leader will summon his Imperius Commander whilst suspending in the Floating Caverns […] ...
