Read, or enjoy the audio version below.
Warning! I am a satirist! If you do not have a sense of humor or are easily-offended, these blogs may not be for you. May I interest you in an innocuous episode of Peppa Pig instead?
How Posture Postures You For Prosperity
Sitting Up And Taking Names
Now, I am not one to brag. But I am awesome. Really! All you have to do is ask me. There are many ways I am awesome, not the least of which is a pure unbridled awesome ability at being awesome.
However, I am also very much human, and with that comes frailties, fragilities, and an inability to cancel my gym membership or my Comcast service. Alas, these Things That Vex have plagued humans since the dawn of time. By "dawn of time" I refer of course to how cavemen could not cancel their gym membership or their Comcast service.
Being human comes with its own unique set of challenges. For instance, since I am nearing 50 I have found that I am no longer capable of staying awake once I plant my posterior in any chair with a comfort factor greater than .01%. No: I WILL fall asleep. This is because I, along with many others, suffer from what is commonly known as “chaircolepsy.” Yes, "chaircolepsy." You heard it here first, folks. Follow me for more language tips.
You see, chaircolepsy is an affliction which causes the victim to inadvertently drift off into the void at the very moment their buttocks touch the soft, cozy underlay of a plush chair. By void I mean deep unrecoverable sleep. By buttocks I mean buttocks.
Indeed, many times upon putting our older son to bed at night, I sit in a very cozy chair next to his bunk bed. (We refer affectionately to this chair as "The Chair That Eats People.") In said chair I attempt to softly sing “You Are My Sunshine.” However, as previously mentioned, I suffer from chaircolepsy, so, naturally, I fall asleep after the first three words, so my poor son will never know what he actually is. I am told my wife hears him pleading with me each night: “What, Dad? I’m your what?!?!?!?!?! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD…!!!!!” I of course do not hear any of this, because I am already off in the void. By void I mean chair. That my buttocks are on.
So once my wife wakes me up and tells me that Brennan would like to know what in fact he is, I tease him and tell him that he is my DEVOPS, because he of course will not know what this word means, which means that he will then leave me alone so that I return back to sleeping on my buttocks. I have now said buttocks five times.
You see, I am nearing the age of “Old”, which means that I am frequently tired. My two sons do not understand this of course and constantly insist that I lie down on the floor so that they may launch from the couch, fly across the living room and piledrive me through the floor and into the crawlspace below. I believe they call this "play". I call it "hospital bill." In addition, I sit for great portions of my day at my desk, which means that:
- my spine is being conditioned for curvature
- I should make a fine candidate for kyphosis
- I do not get anything done because I am sitting and am therefore comatose.
It is of sitting and slouching that I need to speak today. You see, right now, I am awake, but that may change any moment, since I am sitting down to type th- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
You are an L, not a C
Used by permission from NatBat via Creative Commons. All Rights Reserved.
Ah! I saw you just sit up straight after looking at that picture. Sitting up straight is underrated. Good posture is so critical. From the side, your body should look like an "L", or a stainless steel square ruler. Not a "C", or a banana. And certainly not like a stainless steel banana. Or worse, a DEVOPS.
Role play with me for a minute, will you?
- Me: “Forgive me, Blog Reader, for I have sinned.”
- You: “Oh? What have you done THIS time, Mr. Alexander?”
- Me: “It has been three weeks since I last sat up straight in my chair.”
- You: “Get his head, boys.”
- Me: “But what about forrrrgggiiivveeennnnneessssss……” *trailing off into an unguessable distance*
You see, lately, I had been somewhat slumped over in my chair as I worked, and that had become routine. Because of this, I had also not really heavily pursued marketing. To be completely truthful before you and your boys get my head, I had even played… *cue suspenseful music* BEJEWELED!!!
I know, I know, I often preach 1) busyness and 2) making the most of your day. But I am a fallible human, full of sin and loaded up with bad posture and red licorice. I had let my fitness go. I could even have stood up, gone outside, and worked on my fitness by walking around my pasture. But no. I sat back and slumped in my chair, and as a result, failed to meet my goals or conduct any marketing. As a result, my business kind of plummeted. By plummeted I mean dropped drastically. By kind of I mean one hundred percent.
But that time is past! I am going to turn over a new leaf, I tell you! This ends NOW! I am napping in this chair presently, so by "NOW!" I mean "later."
Hey You, The Slouchy One
Used by permission from Steve Leggat via Creative Commons. All Rights Reserved.
“Sit up straight.” “Don’t slouch.” Ah, such time-honored directives from our parents and predecessors. They are right! There is something about sitting up straight that enables us to be more professional, alert, responsive, and ready.
Don’t believe me? The University of St. Augustine for Health Sciences - which is a university I had never heard of until I began researching important-sounding links to make me sound intelligent and researched - had this to say as far as advantages of sitting up straight:
- Increased Confidence: Correcting your posture can impact the way you feel about yourself. One study found that students who held an upright, confident posture were much more likely to have confidence in their thinking—and performed better on math tests. Feeling more confident in your ideas at work will ultimately help you succeed.
- More Energy: Poor posture can negatively affect energy levels, resulting in fatigue. Practicing good body alignment may help you remain focused and energized at work. Whether you’re delivering packages or caring for patients, correct posture can allow you to power through the day more easily.
- Greater Self-Esteem and Better Mood: In addition to giving you more energy, better posture can also reduce depressive feelings and improve your self-esteem and mood. Feeling good about your professional life often starts with feeling positive about yourself.
- Easier Breathing: When the body is aligned correctly, it’s easier to breathe. Slouching can reduce lung capacity, leading to shortness of breath. Having difficulty breathing can impact your ability to do your best work. To breathe more life into your lungs and career, try altering your posture.
- Less Frequent Headaches: Bad posture creates tension in the upper back, neck, and shoulders, leading to headaches that manifest as throbbing pain in the base of the skull and sometimes the forehead. Headaches are no fun, so this is an incentive to have good posture.
- Reduced Risk of Injury: Proper posture can help you avoid injury, especially to your back, shoulders, arms, and wrists. One of the most common reasons people see a doctor or miss days of work is back pain. It’s particularly important to have good standing posture, as standing for long periods of time is associated with short-term adverse health issues, such as back pain, fatigue, and leg cramps.
- Boosted Productivity: Research shows that posture impacts productivity. If you’re in pain, injured, or fatigued, or if you lack self-confidence, you will likely have trouble staying focused and productive at work. Because improving your posture can positively impact your mental and physical health, it enables you to be a more productive member of the team.
Bonus: Healthline endorses these 12 exercises that can help you reap the health benefits of good posture.
So? Two weeks ago I made an effort to really sit up straight. I mean straight-like-a-ruler-being-pulled-utterly-skyward-by-a-stretchy-gravitational-force-diametrically-opposed-to-the-polar-pull-of-our-planet-straight. I committed myself to sitting at my desk as a professional would. Not slouching, not slumping, but looking and acting the part of a professional. I felt more professional. I said to myself, "Let's do this." I had more of a focused, winning, intentional mindset. I was more inclined to do marketing and reach my goals. Perhaps that's the reason why the military is so adamant about standing at attention:
- "Chin up, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in."
- Arms fixed at the side, thumb or middle finger parallel to trouser or skirt seam, depending on military drill specifics.
- "Eyes front": head and eyes locked in a fixed forward posture. Ideally eyes unmoving fixated on a distant object. Blank facial expression.
- Keeping the heels together, with the toes apart with the feet at a 45 degree angle.
- No speech, facial or bodily movements except when as required by military drill.
Since I started sitting up again:
- The week before last, I generated $11,590 through 20 jobs.
- This past week, I hit my generated-revenue-goal for the entire week, by Tuesday morning! That is a very, very good feeling. I finished with 22 jobs and $10k generated for the week.
- I achieved a high score of ZERO through ZERO PLAY on Bejeweled!
- I generally feel better and more aligned physically!
Since I did so well, I sat my buttocks down in a comfy chair to relax on Tuesday afternoon, and, well, you know the rest…
YOU HAVE MADE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE END, AND I SALUTE YOU.
- Thanks for reading!
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- This is a fourth bullet point.
AND HEY! WAIT JUST A S.E.C.!
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23 thoughts on “Pssst…hey you! Yeah you, Sloucher! Sit Up Straight!”
I am commenting on your blog because you commented about how commenting is benificial because comments are counted as links even though they are comments, not links, which if I may comment, seems convoluted. There is my comment. Feel free to comment about my commment.
Plus, sitting up straight takes a modicum of effort and therefore isn’t as easy as slouching, which therefore makes it impossible. And no, I am not slouching right now as I sit in my soft, comfy chhhhhhhhhh
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!! There’s the alarm, my good sir! Time to get up and learn some more about commenting links on blog link comments! GOOD MORNING, SUNSHINE!!!!
I’m totally guilty of slouching, and I don’t care, hahahahaha. I have the comfiest chair in the world, and I think mine might give yours a run for the money in terms of the sleep factor and eating people. It’s this one: https://store.kinnls.com/collections/all-office-chairs/products/kyle-massage-chair – just got it and it is a beauty and ever so comfortable! Good night…
Now THAT looks like a good purchase! Thanks for the hot tip, Craig! I’ll have to upgrade. Massage AND work at the same time? Seems like a no-brainer. And speaking of no-brainers! I must retreat back to my cave to hibernate…”You Are My Sunshine” is playing…
oh josh. you crack-up. 🙂 thanks for another great blog and i hope you dont fall asleep reading my very short comment! IU know what you mean about being old though lol – i AM SO there already, i beat you! can’t stay awake anymore either. I’m thankful for your blogs to make my mind work faster. 🙂
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz – snore, cough, gasp – “What? Huh? Did you say something?”
My goodness. I LOVE a good slouch. But you’ve got me thinking a LOT after reading this. Maybe making the deliberate effort to be more posture-correct could lead to a different brand of productivity when I’m feeling particularly slouchy. I think I’m going to start monitoring this! Thank you Josh!!
Right? You KNOW you sat up straighter to post this comment, right? Right? RIGHT?!?!?!
…. Yeah, so?? YEAH, SO?!?
I think I must just neck slouch… gotta keep conscious of that. I was so sore last week after doing a little marketing. Thanks for the reminder. And yes, I had no idea responding to blog posts did diddly for SEO. That was a news flash 📸. Your humor is so refreshing! Keep it up 😜.
Marketing can make one sore, I know! Here: take two of these posture pills and call me in the morning. And no strenuous marketing posts during your recovery…doctor’s orders!
Thanks for commenting, Susan – may you have a successful week as posture postures you for prosperity!
I as listened ( And read along) I completely realised I was at a serious “VERY non L” sitting position. As I enjoyed the words gently pouring out of my speakers, I slowly started to transition into a much more L’ish position. I felt better. I feel more positive, motivated, clear.. I’m also going to attribute that to your awesome blog. It’s always a treat to take a break and listen to you jabber away. Ya got a gift dude. Thanks for sharing and helping be breath more life into my lungs.. and my career. 🙂
Is it just me, or does “L’ish” have a distinctly Jewish feel to it? Like “L’Chaim!” And with that I say, “l’chaim to you, good sir!” Keep up that L-shape, and thanks for reading and commenting!
Aaah man, why does being healthy have to be so important? I just wanna lean on my hands while staring down at my phone and snacking on spoonfuls of nutella while my core muscles and spinal column slowly crumble into the floor…. it’s cosy down here…
C’mon, now, everyone, sing that ol’ Alanis song with me: “‘cuz I got one hand in my slumped pocket, snd the other slouched one’s flickin’ a cigarette!”
I hear ya my friend. So much easier in Nutella-land!
Hahaha, I’m glad it helps so much!! Personally, me going for those long walks you often hear me talk about (we’re getting married soon, LOL), have the same effect on me. If I don’t, I eat like a maniac; a hungry one no less! So this week, I am without walks, and so have to lock the pantry and let the dog swallow the key, preventing me from getting access. I think I have a tendency to stress eating, which is probably why the walking prevents it. I should actually plot a course around the house I am currently sitting on, to get that exercise in.
So happy for the great weeks you’ve had and that you took action!!
I personally need some game time, because I tend to only work, so for me it would be a problem not to, hehehe. I prefer retro titles (NES, SNES, Megadrive, lord of the manor, his royal highness, duke of no-ham-shire, etc.).
I am all about the retro! We recently got an NES Classic and it has like 30 games on it, and of course Super Mario Bros. Brennan is addicted. But for me, I love retro PC games like Thief: The Dark Project, Star Wars Rogue Squadron, Terminator Future Shock, Unreal Tournament, haha! Best games ever. I just never play them anymore…when I’m in the mood for a game I’ll just resort to something like Bejeweled or something simple like that.
I know the feeling… Whatever is easiest to get to… When I find a game I really get into, I find I’m willing to put in more time with it. For example, I’m currently playing a version of Crash Bandicoot and I’m just short of a quarter of the way through (probably more, since I missed gems) and that one I spend a little more effort on.
Glad he’s not a tech snob and loves the classics – the NES is strong with this one, hehe! 😀
If it’s on the system, Tiny Toon Adventures is awesome!
Thanks for the reminder to sit up! My office chair is terrible, and I still haven’t done yoga in a very long time…and so my back has been suffering lately. I even mentioned posture in my blog this week in passing! Congrats on all your success. As always, it’s inspiring…my goal is to one day get there…
Before too long! I mean it. With the week you just had….awesome!!! Nice work my friend. And isn’t it amazing? Sitting up really honestly made such a difference for me. I had really been slumping…so, naturally, I had been slumping!
I kinda like the “I” posture. Either standing up or lying down in bed. Though having a backless stool in my booth does encourage me to have a straighter back when I’m sitting down to record. Why oh why does the alphabet have to give us so much trouble?!
It’s a conundrum and a dichotomy to be sure! But I have to confess right here and now that my “I” posture is to be avoided at all costs! I have chaircolepsy sitting – you think I’ll stand any sort of chance lying down?!?!?!