Read, or enjoy the audio version below...
One word: VOICEOVERS.
Here is how it all went down:
- Sitting on my duff
- sending auditions
- talking to colleagues... and...
- Oh! And Taco Bell
- And Bottle Caps
- And, well, dress me up in feather boas and call me Trudy, but I suspect marketing also had something to do with it.
The reality is that voiceovers is a highly sedentary career. Those half-moon concave indentations in my office chair cushion will most likely be there until Jesus returns. In fact I am positive I will be sitting right here while I am whisked up into the clouds with all of God's people. Hey, Frank!
I tried to start losing weight once by systematically removing all the fattening food from my house. All of it was thoroughly delicious upon removal. Consequently, putting on my socks has become the worst part of my day, because I am forced to contend with this undesirable inner tube I have slowly acquired. And now, on Thanksgiving Day, all of my pants flee for their lives.
I have written a few times now about the importance of exercise and fitness, but somewhere along the line it occurs to me that I failed to take my own advice - and now the Fat Taxman has come to collect.
You see, "fat" is actually Latin for Maximus Slothimus Dontcareicus Rex, and this is therefore why people speak "PIG-Latin." Onsequently-cay, I have ecome-bay otund-ray.
So now I am overweight and a little stressed about it. Come to think of it, I used to actually get quite a good workout while doing wedding videography, previous to going full time with voiceovers. Maybe I should just go back to that instead.
Here is me in 2018:
Here is me, Present Day:
OK, slight embellishment, I admit. Thank Heaven for fun online productivity tools such as Fat Maker.
Yes, I have put on a little weight. OK, a lot of weight. OK, I ate a house. And now? Well gosh darnit, I cannot take it anymore, and it is high time to do something about it!
*sits down with a giant handful of licorice, a butterstick and a Seahawks mug of Mountain Dew; thinks hard*
Stay tuned for next week's exciting conclusion: "And This Time, I'll Keep It Off!" *
*Note: Author reserves the right to change said title to "I Failed At Losing Weight, And Now I Must Eat You" depending on the outcome of this next week.
I paid for a 12-month gym membership and my bank called to see if my card had been stolen. How are you doing with your weight loss goals?
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37 thoughts on “How Did I Get So Fat???”
I have one very serious question. Is voiceovers (voice-overs, voice overs) really one word?
Ankthay ouyay orfay ethay ommentcay!
Josh you are the comic I need. You can try stand up for VO, a play on words.
Thank you Nancy! I see what you did there! Laughter truly is the best medicine, isn’t it? Hey, it gets the belly jiggling, and I need all the jiggle I can get!
Hubby and I are starting Nutrisystem next week. We’re a combined 60 lbs overweight. Ishway usway ucklay!
I ishway ouyay oodgay ucklay! utrisystemNay is oodgay!
Good luck! Me n the fam started nutrisystem right before the pandemic hit (we had no idea it was coming, just weird timing). We lost about 50 pounds each. I still have another 50 to go, and I want to incorporate strength training. But I also want to sleep. Ugh.
Haha I hear you! I LOVED Nutrisystem when I was on it. Their lasagna is something I could eat over and over again! So I did. Over. And over. And over. And, well, now…..this blog. 🙂
My goal is to get back to my pre-pandemic weight so that I can wear all of the clothes in my closet that no longer fit, even though no one ever sees me, which is just as well, because those clothes are probably out of style now. Whatever. I like a lot of the clothes that dont’ currently fit me, and would like to wear them. I would also like to not huff and puff when I walk up stairs. I was in better shape when I waited tables and ate pizza six days a week. Maybe I should up my pizza intake? Seriously, though, I did buy the bridesmaid dress for my sister’s wedding a size smaller than I was when I bought it, and it didn’t zip at first. Now it does. Basically, I’m fasting until lunchtime, eating a salad for lunch most days, and eating a LOT of vegetables. But I don’t deprive myself, either. And I don’t do intensive cardio, because that will just make you hungrier. Last night, I went on a 45 minute walk in the 90 degree heat, and then came back and had pizza and stroopwafels for dinner/dessert. But no snacking afterward. Two meals a day. Just slow and steady. I’m down about 8lbs from my highest pandemic weight, which means I still have about 10lbs to go. Start with one small change that you do consistently. You can do it!
Good for you my friend! And I genuinely think you may be on to something with regards to upping pizza intake. That sounds like profound wisdom to me!
Ooyay anday emay areyay ostmay effinitlyday utcay omfray uhthay aimsay othclay. ( I love how only 2 of these words so far came up as spelled incorrect by the way)
Ooyay ockray ymay endfray!
Arleschay ( :inkeyway acefay: , :mileysay acefay: , :umsthay upsay: )
*looks up universal Pig-Latin translation site*
It’s so tough to stay ahead of the curves and the blubber and the folds. After too many drive throughs and hours on my keister, I finally began moving and eating less. I still eat whatever I want – just about 1/2 of what I used to…and I made a promise not to go to sleep without having logged at least 6000 steps each day. It’s paid off! I’m down the weight of one of your kids, Josh!
Good for you, Kim! That’s awesome. I have a cousin who is an RN and is very legalistic about what and how he eats. I just can’t seem to envision myself being that legalistic. BUT – I do believe in monitoring what I eat in terms of caloric intake, and balancing that with good proper consistent exercise so that I can be aware of whether I’m over or under. It’s hard to do! But definitely doable. I lost nearly 40 pounds in 3 months in 2018 in preparing for our Hawaii trip with Brennan, Janine, and my in-laws. I can do it again. I’m 4 years older now, but as long as I start slow and start with diet first and lightweight exercise and walking, I can build up the momentum I need to RACE through the drive-through….on my legs….and not stop for fries. RUN, FORREST…er…JOSH….RUN!!!!!!
I spent the last 3 weeks walking up steep AF hills in Cornwall – of course it was the one and only year the UK has a heatwave – hello sun I have been a mole in a hole for 3 years (thanks covid) and I want to walk miles and miles with my pasty skin and red / grey hair 🙂
Each day like 3-4 times a day I was carrying beach things & heavy bags of shopping, encouraging the kids to walk – and often carrying them too. Who says a mum can’t do it all! My hubby had Covid and I was determined to NOT get that!!! So walking outside as much as possible was on the agenda.
The first week (scrap that – the first DAY) I was like “uh oh game over”. I was wheezing, my legs were dead and my heart was pounding in my ears (is that normal???). The result of endless days of sitting recording and eating at weird times to combat tummy grumbles of “feed me” so I could record, meant I was SERIOUSLY out of shape and a few pounds heavier than I would like…
But day by day it got easier until I was manifesting Kate “running up that hill” 😂
Now I have found 🍑muscles I didn’t know I had. My little denim shorts fit me (I actually pinched my daughters and they fit nicely and don’t make me feel like I am the sad extra from a Jane Fonda workout video wearing super-too-small-shorts).
I am on a mission… I’m going to spend 3 hours everyday walking, moving, exercising, dancing, meditating. Because my body, mind & soul WILL thank me.. and my clothes (and my daughters) will fit me ❤️😍
I used to be a dancer and rowed for Bath – I was the sporty lean super fit one in school – skiing and snowboarding and my clothes always fitted me and bonus I could eat like a horse. Then one of my sisters friends jinxed it when she said “you can’t always eat that you will get FAT”. I laughed at her. Then I had kids and discovered the joys of eating at 2am whilst I was feeding them… well I felt bad making them eat solo. Eating cheeseburgers at 2am is weird but you get used to it.
My sisters friend was right – I put on soooo much weight… If I ever see her again… I will thank her. Because she was right! You cannot eat-eat-eat and then do nothing and expect to stay as fit as a butchers dog.
Now I will be munching on grapes and drinking smoothies as I run laps around the beach… “is it a bird is it a plane… no it’s Charlie legging it home to do more auditions”.
We can do it – We need a Spotify playlist to motivate each other! Eat healthy / get fresh air / take time for yourself and workout…
Haha! Mine needs to have the Rocky theme song on an endless loop. That or “Fire” by Gavin DeGraw. It’s a GOOD one. Very motivating. I’m excited for you, Charlie, and what great progress!!!! I barely know you, but may I say I’m proud of you for the changes you’ve made…that’s really truly spectacular. Keep that up! I’ve made some great progress over the past few days since writing my blog, and I’m confident it’s setting the pace for the FIRST title option of next week’s blog. 🙂 Keep up the great work, my friend!
Absolutely hilarious, Josh! Don’t know what’s funnier, the text or the GIFs. But yes, we’ve chosen a dangerous career as far as physical fitness is concerned.
Hilarious stuff, Josh! I don’t know what’s funnier, the story or the GIFs. Indeed, we’ve chosen a perilous path, a career fraught with danger to our overall physical fitness. But hey, we’re all up for a challenge!
Anytime. Anywhere. Challenge me. For I am Thy Foe, and I am armed with Twinkies and Mountain Dew!
Really though, isn’t it though? It truly is a peril to our health, as fundamentally satisfying as it remains…I need that balance. It’s been a great few days of exercise, so I’m off to the races. Fingers crossed! *accidentally drops Twinkie upon crossing fingers*
As Trudy the Truthful turtle, you are turning over a new leaf on honest island, LOL. My fav Hannah Montana episode by far! Yes, I indeed loved the show! That one and extreme mixover, Lilly Edition! “Gonna get what I deser-er-erve, I got… SPIDER!!!!!!!” HAHAHA!
I’m glad it reached a point for you where you are starting to really feel motivated to tackle it. It’s such a crucial element to success! There has to be a passion and want to and it sounds like you’re there!! 😀 I look forward to seeing your progress away from the liquefied fire truck!
On your closing question – mine has been touch and go. I’ve been under immense stress (who isn’t? LOL, I mean really) and I haven’t gotten to walk as much as usual, so my weight has remained steady, but no real strength training – which was my goal. INSTEAD, we have been buying in bulk, so I’ve been purposeful to not break the large parts down for easier access. It forces me to lift a 10KG (and getting lighter by the day) bag every day. I’ve also had to lift my one niece a lot – on and off the trampoline – and she’s about Asher’s size. While not the progress I want – progress nonetheless! 😀
Again, I know you got this and I am here cheering for you m’dude!!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!!
Hi Trudy! I think my boys play with you in the tub! Thank you so much for the cheerleading, now I MUST see you in spandex with Pom-Poms! (Too much!) Ah well…anyway…I really appreciate it. Been off to a good start since penning that blog, and I feel good about the next few days lineup of activities and exercise. Now I just have to tackle the diet…gulp…
I’m in the same boat. I’m quickly turning into Scotty from Star Trek in that Simpsons episode… “I canna reach the control panel!” And good lord, I avoid wearing socks as much as possible because of the wheezing that ensues. Good to hear I’m not alone. Here’s to trying to make a change. Best of luck my friend!
Haha! I know that episode. Hang in there man. Good luck to you too! Here’s to both of us one day successfully mutually helming the Enterprise SANS wheezing! (Unless of course we’re coughing from throwing back too much Romulan Ale…)
You can do it, Josh!
I’ve been involved in ‘sitting down’ occupations pretty much since I left college in the early 2000s. 6 years of Advertising, graphic & web design in front of a computer took its toll, and I went and found some people with whom I could learn Parkour. Had great fun with that! But in 2011, I damaged the meniscus of my knee while doing bodyweight squats and I’ve been banned from doing much since then. I slowly put on a good 20kgs over the next 7-8 years until I found myself (shockingly) at 79.9Kgs. I swore I’d never touch 80, and so I immediately cut out most of my sugar consumption. Over the last 3 years a combination of Intermittent Fasting, Low carb (more veggies and good fats), and drinking enough water has seen me lose most of that weight, and I’m back at a comfortable 62kgs – it’s where I feel I have a good balance of muscle to weight. I lost 18kgs over 16 months or so, and have kept it off with zero exercise.
Of course, Exercise is soooo important, so get that step/pedal/roll count up! You can do it!
Thank you so much for the encouragement, Susheel – I feel like I lost 10 pounds just reading your comment! Thanks for taking the time. I’m on my way. The past few days have been filled with exercise, and I’m off to a great start. Diet is next. Really gotta get that one in tow…
Good luck…losing weight has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done…over, and over, and over again. It comes off, gets pissed and comes back with the whole family. Right now using Factor to try and lose weight AGAIN…we’ll see how many distant relatives it can find this time when it returns.
Good luck, Gary! I am using what I’ve always used: MapMyRun and MyFitnessPal combo. It has worked great for me. My issue is just not falling off the wagon…
Josh, I applaud your recognition. Die to the past and get on with the present. As you well know, the first 30-45 of habit formation are the hardest. Ace that and you develop a solid habit. Just focus on getting there every day. Walking through the front door of the gym is the win. Once you do that, it’s a 2-inch putt to work out. I’m cheering you on. Every. Damn. Day.
And yes, you can’t out-train a shit diet.
Thanks man! I took the 2-inch putt this morning with an hour workout with my cousin at The Y. And yesterday our family was at Wild Waves walking everywhere, climbing up stairs, swimming, carrying Asher on my shoulders. And before that, been swimming. And walking. And starting to focus on eating. Baby steps! But yes, greasing that wheel and priming that pump is where it all starts. Thanks so much for the encouragement, my friend!
Good luck Josh. Your body and your family will thank you. I used to think I was invincible and then…as life reminded me I wasn’t, I started to look after my health. It’s hard. Food tastes amazing! And…erm…food tastes amazing. But the benefits will be ‘huge’ for you.
Haha! I love that you included the amazing-tasting-food-reason twicely. Emphasis noted and not lost on me! It does indeed taste amazing. And there is so much to choose from to perpetuate said amazement! But I have decided I would like to live a long life for my wife and children. They need me because I buy things for them. Including amazing-tasting food. And also food, which tastes amazing.
Josh! You are an intelligent, hard-working, dedicated individual who is capable of SO MUCH. Developing a new habit, routine, or way of doing this is challenging…I kind of look at it as a puzzle unique to the person facing the challenge. There’s a way and a method, and there’s knowledge and clues out there on how to get there… But ultimately it will be you who figures out how to navigate your own complexity to achieve your goal. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I believe in you and your tenacity friend. You’ve done many things. You are very capable of navigating tricky waters with that dedication of yours! I’m cheering for you.
I THOUGHT that was you cheering!!!! I kept hearing this super high pitched squeal of delight and exhortation and it sounded very much like it was coming from some kind of “Covid-twin!” I had a feeling!!
Thank you brother. I appreciate you. I’m on my way. Armed with MapMyRun and MyFitnessPal and a cousin who will not stop taking me to the Y, I believe I’m going places. Crazy most likely being one of them, but also other health places too.
I bet she would! 🙂 And I know what you mean. When I was working as a wedding videographer many years ago, sure, I would have active weekends where I would film the weddings, but then I would return to my office during the weekdays and just sit and edit and market and all of that. I’m fatter now than I was then, even though I’m getting up every few minutes to go audition! My Apple Watch never needs to remind me to stand, ha! Oh well. All things in due time. Good luck to you, Will! You can do it!
Hey, Josh! I enjoyed listening to your narration of your blog this time around! Thanks for sharing and good luck on your goals. Small changes add up! You can do it.
Thank you so much, Bill! Check out next week’s blog, it’s the epic conclusion! (Or…beginning…?) Doing well so far. 8 pounds down. 🙂