Read, or enjoy the audio version below...
One word: VOICEOVERS.
Here is how it all went down:
- Sitting on my duff
- sending auditions
- talking to colleagues... and...
- Oh! And Taco Bell
- And Bottle Caps
- And, well, dress me up in feather boas and call me Trudy, but I suspect marketing also had something to do with it.
The reality is that voiceovers is a highly sedentary career. Those half-moon concave indentations in my office chair cushion will most likely be there until Jesus returns. In fact I am positive I will be sitting right here while I am whisked up into the clouds with all of God's people. Hey, Frank!
I tried to start losing weight once by systematically removing all the fattening food from my house. All of it was thoroughly delicious upon removal. Consequently, putting on my socks has become the worst part of my day, because I am forced to contend with this undesirable inner tube I have slowly acquired. And now, on Thanksgiving Day, all of my pants flee for their lives.
I have written a few times now about the importance of exercise and fitness, but somewhere along the line it occurs to me that I failed to take my own advice - and now the Fat Taxman has come to collect.
You see, "fat" is actually Latin for Maximus Slothimus Dontcareicus Rex, and this is therefore why people speak "PIG-Latin." Onsequently-cay, I have ecome-bay otund-ray.
So now I am overweight and a little stressed about it. Come to think of it, I used to actually get quite a good workout while doing wedding videography, previous to going full time with voiceovers. Maybe I should just go back to that instead.
Here is me in 2018:
Here is me, Present Day:
OK, slight embellishment, I admit. Thank Heaven for fun online productivity tools such as Fat Maker.
Yes, I have put on a little weight. OK, a lot of weight. OK, I ate a house. And now? Well gosh darnit, I cannot take it anymore, and it is high time to do something about it!
*sits down with a giant handful of licorice, a butterstick and a Seahawks mug of Mountain Dew; thinks hard*
Stay tuned for next week's exciting conclusion: "And This Time, I'll Keep It Off!" *
*Note: Author reserves the right to change said title to "I Failed At Losing Weight, And Now I Must Eat You" depending on the outcome of this next week.
I paid for a 12-month gym membership and my bank called to see if my card had been stolen. How are you doing with your weight loss goals?
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